Schmoo

Schmoo is a human member of the FalconSMP and an employee of the corporation Falconcorp. They currently own a psuedo business situated throughout Amalthea known as Bog Water Inc. which is run alongside their two associates, Jaak and Mavis.

Appearance
CO2 + C -> 2 COHg^2+ ->[I-] HgI2 ->[I-] {[Hg^{II}I4]^2-}Get chemically equationed stupid fucking bitch

Schmoo is a typical, average looking human. Standing at 6'1, they have a tall, lanky build with a tan complexion and softer features. Their hair is a dark brown that appears black most of the time with a similar shade for their eyes. Moles of varying sizes dot their entire body and there is a small, oddly shaped scar in their left arm that they keep covered at all times by a bandaid. They also have a tramp stamp no one knows about that says "CO2 + C -> 2 COHg^2+ ->[I-] HgI2 ->[I-] {[Hg^{II}I4]^2-}."

They are typically seen wearing their business attire either without pants or without their jacket due to forgetting to put them on. They always wear a "I <3 MILFS" t-shirt layered underneath their dress shirt and is more than willing to show anyone who asks.

Having a more retro feel, Schmoo appears to have just come out of the 60-70s with a fashion sense reminiscint of that era. They wear a pair of dark brown browline glasses held together in the middle by a bandaid and their hair is cut short in an almost under-shaven, bowlcut-esque style.

Physiology
normal

Personality
Schmoo has a very complex and eccentric personality, often being difficult to understand and get to know due to their habit of confusing and misdirecting people. Depending on who they meet, the individual either grows to quickly dislike them or find them strangely amusing. They present an over-the-top, dramatized front of being a pushy, curious entrepreneur with a strong passion for the Charity of Little German Boys and Girls: their predisposition to constantly lie making this a simple task. Being an impulsive liar, their true age in unknown to everyone but Mavis and as a result of this they have formulated an unreliable backstory that revolves around them being a veteran of an unknown war.

Leaning towards a more cunning side, Schmoo tends to take a manipulative role in all of their relationships. They are extremely egocentric and will only do something if the number one benefiter is themselves. As a result of this, they are on neither Falconcorp or the hybrid's side, finding both generally displeasing and is only in it for the money. Their lack of care tends to make them impulsive which often leads to peculiar mistakes and haphazard self injuries. Although, regardless of their self-centered core, there has been a few times where they have taken into consideration other's wants and needs and has presented their care for another through rare acts of protection.

Despite their easygoing demeanor they are prone to easily get obsessed over certain topics or goals. After their younger brother had gone missing and their father had gone into debt, they began to formulate conspiracy theories surrounding Falconcorp and their intentions, dedicating months of their life to this fixation to no avail. Once they began working for the corporation their preoccupation slowly fizzled and began to lean more towards earning profit, kickstarting their idealization towards money. To go along with their consuming likelihood, they have an extremely addictive personality and easily become dependent on substances such as Spider Eyes.

Trivial Information

- Absolute MILF lover. Will never find a person who loves MILFs more. Big mommy milky huminahumina badoingadoing MILFs. Especially Peach's mom. AWOOOGAAA BABY!!!

- Often claims to be covered in dirt and filth and enjoys chasing people around like they are little German children

- Tells everyone that they have several holes in their body where they keep tapeworms and their eggs to incubate

Childhood:
Growing up in a boring, cookie cutter town known as South Beach on the suburbs of one of Falconcorp’s smaller laboratories, Schmoo had a pretty average, insignificant childhood. Their mom was completely out of the picture so it was just them, their younger brother,  and their father. Part of the working class, their dad would work long days in an office building of Falconcorp, as did almost everyone else in the town. Due to their dad’s working hours, they were left alone majority of the time and had to raise their brother and themselves singlehandedly. Despite this, it never bothered them because it was the same situation for many other kids, and they enjoyed the freedom that came with it.

While attending school, Schmoo had met a kid named Mavis and became close friends with her due to the enthusiastic encouragement of their dad. Mavis’s family were one of the richest, most powerful people in town and Schmoo’s dad wanted to take advantage of that fact. Once Schmoo realized the influence Mavis’s family had, they adopted the same mentality of their dad.

Teens:
Much like their childhood, Schmoo's teenage years were mostly uneventful and average until young kids started to disappear around South Beach, including their younger brother. Despite the town’s best efforts to keep their children safe and look for the ones that went missing, their attempts were useless. Whether it be in broad daylight or in their bedrooms, a total of 20 kids were lost throughout the span of two and a half years. Falconcorp and other city officials were quick to blame it on hybrids and began to push hybrid propaganda harder than they ever had before. Although a strong hatred had spiked for the “creatures,” Schmoo had always thought it was strange, and began formulating conspiracy theories towards Falconcorp. At this point, they were on neither side of the war.

Following the disappearance and grievance of their brother, their dad made a mistake at his office job that put the family into debt, pushing them further into poverty. This caused Schmoo to sink deeper into the government theories and adopt an obsession over it. This was all in vain, however, because no matter what they thought about Falconcorp they had to respect it and grow to live with the fact that it would soon be their life.

Adulthood:
Regardless of Schmoo already knowing they’d work at Falconcorp as did almost every other young adult did in the surrounding area, the debt Schmoo’s dad racked up secured their future as a worker in the company. Starting out doing petty manual jobs such as moving heavy boxes and driving vehicles, they quickly rose up a rank and were allowed access to work in an office sorting files. It wasn’t much of a rank up but it was better than what they were doing before. Although, because of this, they became extremely bored and jumped at any opportunity that would allow a change in scenery, even if it was a different place to go to for break.

Eventually, an opportunity for an “inside job” had presented itself and was available to anyone that was able to qualify. Somehow, Schmoo qualified, and was ecstatic to learn that they were going to go into the hybrid’s makeshift society and steal their money under the false premise of charity. Not only did the job pay higher and would relieve Schmoo and their family of the painstaking debt, but it would also be a breath of fresh air.

As they were about to leave, they came across Mavis. Despite being hesitant to invite Mavis with them and unaware of her situation, they remembered the elf’s rich background, so the two set off to go create a counterfeit business and send the money and any information they received back to Falconcorp. Once they arrived, Schmoo came across Jaak around the outside of the hybrid’s country. Jaak reminded Schmoo of their younger brother, and upon talking to him, they learned that he was somewhat familiar with the country and the people in it, learning that the name of the area was known as Almanthea. Schmoo presented the Bog Water Inc idea to Jaak and they quickly became business partners. They asked Jaak to go ahead of them and set some things up, thus kickstarting everything.